Learning from the past week.

Last week, I got sick. It was terrible. The only positive was that I didn’t have any of my Masters Program classes all week. I even went to the hospital (aka the doctor) on Wednesday to see what was happening. The first thought was that I had the flu and pneumonia. Which made sense to me. I ended up getting diagnosed with a really nasty cold and just a little bit of pneumonia. No big deal. I got medicine and took it when I needed to and forced myself to rest for the rest of the week and most of the weekend. I watched more Netflix last week than I had in a year. And now on Monday, I feel back up to at least 95% normal.

One thing I realized however while I was sick is how my personality has changed over the past few years. I was talking to my brother on the phone via Facebook Messenger calls (international living’s best friend). I was explaining to him what was happening with me while I was laying down in a bed in the hallway of an empty emergency room with an IV drip of paracetamol to break my fever. I was calm and talking about how me being sick was no big deal as I was getting it taken care of. (Apparently, the healthcare in northern Spain, where I live, is some of the best in the world.) He promptly reminded me that having pneumonia was a big deal and that I should be a little bit more concerned about my health. I did concede that point to him. I told him to make sure that our mom knew what was happening and that I should be fine. He agreed and told me to keep him updated on what was happening to me. Which I did in fact do.

This instance of me being sick enough to warrant going to the ER was a true reminder of how much I have grown as a person. When I was younger, I was a lot more prone to having large reactions to everything. I may be attempting to be calm on the outside, but internally I would be freaking out. International living forces you to deal with situations in the most rational way possible. You learn the process of what needs to happen and you just have to act like a buoy in the ocean. If you try to be to firm and rigid as to what must get done and the exact order in doing so, you might just be ripped in half if the trials and complexities get too strong. However on the opposite side, if you are too relaxed, you’ll just drift out to sea and never get what needs to be accomplished finished. By acting as a buoy, you are attached to the base of the water to know your position. You realize what needs to get done and where you need to be, but you also are able to take the hits of when things don’t go as planned. I hope I act like a buoy in situations. I know the line of what needs to be done and where I have been attached, but the means of getting there and dealing with things when they get complicated and out of my control I hope don’t break me in half.

As I grow and develop, I want to stay rooted. I know what grounds me and makes me strong. I’ve sure enough faced enough trials in my 25 years to know that much. But I don’t want to be the kind of person who misses out on the full scheme of what is occurring because I’m so focused on looking down at my feet and keeps me to the ground. I want to be a willow tree. I don’t snap and break, I bend and learn from things. I grow upwards and outwards as I take in the sunlight and the surroundings around me. I allow the wind to flow through my branches and make life interesting, but it won’t make me break when things get hard. I hope I become wise and listen more than I speak, which goes against most of my natural inclinations. I stand up for the injustices I see in the world, but I don’t let it lose my wonder. Who knows what will happen, but I don’t want to keep my head in the clouds and ignore what happens down below.