Cultural Flux.

I’ve forgotten more Spanish than I realized. I also somehow remember random phrases to say in response to things. I have no recollection as to what they mean, but I know that you should say them. Makes life interesting, to say the least. That’s something I can say about the life I live at the moment. It isn’t boring. Except when it is.

Whenever you move, particularly internationally, there is an adjustment period where you wonder if you should just stay in your place, wherever that may be, or go out and attempt to socialize. Honestly, I think a lot of the people I went to college with at Olivet would be surprised to know how often I choose to do the first. Thankfully with my education at Olivet, I learned a lot about how cultural stress happens and how to understand where you are at in the process and to just let it happen. This enables me to be a lot more forgiving with myself in these times of flux.

Right now, for example, I’m in a new culture with a new language and (mostly) new classmates. I’m also in a new living space with new flatmates and having to develop a new normal of daily routines. Since I’m also in a new environment with new germs, my immune system is automatically lowered as my body adjusts to the local atmosphere (and I’m definitely feeling that as I write this between coughing fits). Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of the aspects of this life that I’ve chosen. But there is an adjustment period that must be acknowledged. To just ignore it and power through everything may not be the best option. If you don’t understand what’s happening with your mind and body, that could have consequences down the line.

Bilbao seems to be amazing so far, for the past two and a half weeks I have been present here at least. I love the walkability and architecture of the city. Everyone seems so nice. I’m making friends. My classes are great. Things are good.

But that doesn’t mean that sometimes in the middle of the night, I realize what choosing an international life has changed for me. No one will ever understand my cultural identity as I have now lived in the US, China, Malta, and Spain. And I’ve been lucky enough to visit 21 countries now. A lot of my friends live in different time zones from me on opposite sides of the world which makes communication difficult. Many of my friends back home are settling down and having families, which is something I can’t see in my future for quite a while yet. I love this life and know its exactly where I need to be and am so thankful that I have been blessed enough for the privileges and opportunities that have been afforded to me. However, this life can be a lonely one. Every time I walk by a dog on the street, I wish I was in a position to have a furry four-legged friend to come home to at night. I wish I knew where I would be six months from now. Sometimes I want that stability, but I also recognize that that might suffocate the free spirit within me that craves exploration and adventure.