A Solo Endeavor pt. 1

The meaning of the word "endeavor" is "an attempt to achieve a goal". This is what I am currently trying to do. If you have been around me for longer than an hour, you would realize that I love people and am a prime example of an extrovert. I almost never stop talking (much to the chagrin of some around me) and I ask a lot of questions. I also am an extremely independent human being. I like to do my own thing and to convince other people to do it with me. I am always coming up with my "next greatest idea ever" and dreaming as big as the universe.

But my life has changed a lot in the last 6 months. I am always surrounded by people that I cannot easily communicate with. I can always try to act out the words or use the translation apps on my phone, but that isn't real communication. I can't explain my thought or ideas to others with easy comprehension. I have to overexplain to get to some level of comprehension of those around me. No matter where I go in China, I see people. I am surrounded by people. When I take the metro around rush hour, I am packed like the car of a freshman moving home from college. I feel people all around me, way too close. I walk down the street and I see hundreds of people drive past and walk along the street with me. I look outside of any window, and I see people. 

There is a part of myself that very few people recognize. I love big open spaces. I was raised on a farm. When I was very young, I could run around as far as I wanted and still be on my family's farm. I enjoy sunsets and sunrises (when I actually can wake up). I love the ability to go and be still in the quiet. I like having the option to go somewhere and be totally alone if I want to. However, this is something I cannot do in China.

In China, I have to ask for help and directions constantly. I can't get into a taxi without someone else talking to the driver for me. I can't easily go shopping by myself. I can't order food for myself, without pointing at the pictures. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. It is a learning experience. It recognizes my need to learn Chinese. It helps me actualize ideas about cultural differences that I learned about in college. But, it is very exhausting. 

In a great step of sheer determination and independence, I decided to travel alone for the first time. I've been on flights by myself before and the little things, but nothing as drastic as I am doing right now. I set off on three weeks of traveling by myself. A new continent and two new countries. From winter to summertime. With only myself as company. 

My parents have been divorced/separated for 15 years this year, but when I told each of them with I am doing, they both had the same reaction. What happens if something goes wrong? What happens if all of your belongings are stolen? What happens if you fall and break your leg? After I got over the shock of having my parents say the exact same things separately, I said that as long as I have the essentials I'll be fine. All you really need when you travel is money, a passport, medication, and a cell phone. Everything else is the "extras".

I've made some plans, but not too many. I am taking this chance to take a step back and relax. I am enjoying the ability to talk with the barista when I order coffee and ask for suggestions. I like going to the grocery store and being able to read everything around me. It's really the little things. Stay tuned to find out what I've been doing!