Life Update: Beginning to figure things out

Well… It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted on my blog. I’m feeling a bit like updating the world on my life, so here it goes. I’m kinda back to being a student. I’ve been out of school since May 2017 and started taking a couple of classes as a non-degree seeking student at the University of Illinois. I’m also still subbing on the days when I don’t have classes.

Let me tell you this. Going back to school after being out of it for a year and a half is hard. I was a teacher and stuff so I am able to better understand now how to be a good student, and that helps. But I just feel so out of the loop. I forgot how to read academic articles for papers. I just forgot so many of the essential things you need to just know for being a student.

I’m taking 2 classes so the class load isn’t too bad, but one is a freshman level undergraduate class and the other is a graduate level class. These classes are worlds apart. The freshman class is a Macroeconomics class and the graduate class is on the European Union. Macroeconomics isn’t that bad, but since it’s an undergrad class they like to nickel and dime you for everything. Like you need to spend $300 on all the different supplies you need for just this one class, 2 textbooks, a special clicker to answer class questions, and other random stuff. It’s ridiculous. For the grad class though, I didn’t have to buy anything. The book, when we need to read it, is on reserve at the library and all of the other things you need are journal articles which are free to access. It’s amazing how different the two classes are.

Another big difference is that I’m at a huge public university. It’s a different world from Olivet. I’m definitely still adjusting to that, but it should get easier as it goes on. Anyways, it’s good practice for the future.

One of the hardest parts of taking these classes is that I don’t really fit into any of the prescribed student identities. As a non-degree seeking student, I don’t have any other classes than the 2 I’m taking and I’m not apart of any specific department. I’m also so much older than most of the students in my Macroeconomics class. I literally could be in this class with one of my students I taught last year and that’s definitely strange. In class earlier this week, the dude teaching had to explain why people would buy an iPod over an iPhone, because most of these kids in my class are too young to really remember a time before smartphones. I didn’t get a smartphone until I went to college! That was 6 years ago now, but I digress.

I’m a similar age to the students in my grad class, but I feel like a total slacker compared to them. I feel like the dumbest person in the room most of the time during our discussions. I’m normally a pretty confident person in my abilities and capabilities (some would say too confident), but I feel like everyone else is on a whole other level compared to me. It might have to do with the fact that I’m kinda taking a political science class and have never taken anything in that field before, but it’s still rough. I’ve forgotten so much of the student culture because I’ve not been a student for so long. I can’t imagine how much more difficult this would be if I had taken more time off of schooling.

One of the good things about getting back into it is that I’m realizing how much I actually need to get a masters degree. After my year of English teaching, I realized that being a teacher really isn’t for me. The parts of teaching and living abroad I enjoyed had absolutely nothing to do with being an actual teacher. I know I’m capable of being a good teacher and doing that for my career, but I have no desire to further pursue that anymore. Over the past 7 months of being back in America, I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate what I really want to do with my life and what I’m passionate about. My main focus that has driven me for the last 15 years or so while I’ve tried to figure out what I want to do with my life and the kind of person I want to become is that I want to help people. I’ve always been trying to figure out what way I would be best at doing that, but I might have more of direction now than I have previously. I think I want to get into helping refugees and advocating for others who don’t have a platform for their voices to be heard on the global stage. I know I have a lot of inherent privilege as a white, educated American and I want to use that to help people. I’m still figuring out exactly what I will study (depending on what programs I get into and such) and where I’ll go, but I’m finally truly excited (and absolutely terrified out of my mind) for what’s next in my life.