Opposing Trajectories.

I am a person of strong beliefs, a stronger will, and the willingness to make bold choices. As I have grown older, I have developed these qualities even further. I have my core beliefs, those that define me and I hold as my truth. There aren’t too many of those, which makes it easier to hold firm to them.

I have been immature at times in the past (and will in the future, most likely) with my strong will, but you only notice those things once life has continued on and you grow up. Sometimes I hold too tightly to things that I shouldn’t, as my mom sometimes likes to remind me. Other times, this strong will has helped me weather through hard times that I couldn’t have otherwise. And I’m sure this stubbornness will rear its head in the future with its consequences. 

I try to live my life in a BOLD print. I am willing to do things that others may not want to do, but want to have happen. I fight the injustices I see in life. But I also do my best to take the time to give the benefit of the doubt and learn how things work. 

This brash behavior has led to some of my both best and worst decisions. The only way you can learn if a decision is right or wrong is to see how it all plays out in the end. If you try to play hardball and strong arm a decision, it might not turn out how you would plan. Words hold power and those who say they don’t are lying. Words can destroy or create. Words can lead to war or to peace. Words can comfort or mistreat. Some truth is uncomfortable and some lies are to save feelings. Words of correction can only come with both truth and love. This lesson is one of the most powerful I have ever learned. (Thanks Dr. Garner!) 

Sometimes those who you have trusted, turn the tables. This has become apparent recently in my life. But I’m thankful for those who I have trusted who have proven their trustworthiness. Those who give guidance and are careful with the words they use in delicate situations. Those who live by the greatest of the commandments- “Love your neighbor as yourself”. This means that you both love yourself and your neighbor, which is very difficult at times. But even within in those moments of broken trust, there is redemption available in all things with facing things headfirst, digging through the awkward, and searching for the future. Since we all fall short of the glory of God, we all are capable of things we didn’t think otherwise. 

My heart is heavy. Melancholy is the best description. Saying hard things, even the truth, is still difficult. I know I have made the correct decision for me right now. I’ve been earnestly seeking after God’s will for some time over this decision. Listening for answers that I couldn’t find on my own. But then the moment of truth happens and you just know that it is time. I’m listening to the directions I’ve been seeking and have decided to leave my school. I don’t know exactly what will happen next, but I know God will lead me through my uncertainty and give me the right step to take at the right time. He will sustain me and give me direction and show me how to best live for him each day. For the time being, I’ll be home in the States, spending time with my family and friends, figuring out my next move, and seeking out what God wants me to do in this next part of life.