Nov. 19, 2017

Well currently, where I'm at in China, it is November 19th. November 19th would be my Grandma Marjorie's 80th birthday. Notice the would be. Instead of it being a celebration of another year, I am being FaceTimed into her funeral from 7892.61 miles away. I normally just say 8,000 miles, but I wanted to be more precise because I feel every mile today. I want to be with my family celebrating the life of my grandma, but it always doesn't happen.

Instead of being at her funeral, I got to go home and spend one last week with my grandma. I spent one week with her. In this week, I got to talk with my grandma. I spent all the time I could with her. I held her hand. I put lotion on her itchy skin. I said terrible jokes that she only half-laughed at. I got to tell her stories about my life in China. I asked her all the questions I could. I got to tell her how much she means to me. She told me how much she loves me and is proud of me. These words mean so much. I can't even describe it. 

From spending almost 23 years with my grandma, I know she would want me to be right where I'm at, even if it just feels like going through the motions. I went to church last Sunday. I cried through the whole service, I stepped out for a few minutes, but I went back in because she would want me there. I showed up to school on Monday. I had to go through the day and told my classes that my grandma who I went to visit in September had passed away. One of my kindergarteners kept acting like he had died in a movie to explain death. I almost cried, but I didn't. I got to share how I knew my grandma was in heaven with Jesus. I got to explain how it isn't a goodbye, but a see ya later. It was a long hard day, but I did it. Tuesday was its own day. I had to go back to all of my responsibilities that I had avoided since my midnight call on Saturday night. I had volunteered to write a play for the school Christmas concert. So I recruited/enlisted my friends/coworkers to help me write a play. We went to the Starbucks up the street from work at Canton Tower where I got free coffee and cheesecake because of being a white female foreigner who is nice and let the dude take a picture with me. We also wrote half of the play. Wednesday, there was a dude from one of our other campuses who is American who came to work on some visa stuff so some of the other teachers and I went out for Thai food with him! Fun times! I also spent this week reviewing with my students for their term exams. That was extremely entertaining. Thursday, we went back to Starbucks this time with the teacher from the other school and basically finished the play. I didn't get back home until after 11! Friday is my easiest day of the week, but I had so many things to get done. I wrote the last two scenes of the play. I also was on morning duty where I need to be at school by 7:30 am. Somehow during the night, my phone turned off so none of my alarms went off and I didn't wake up until my roommate knocked on my door at 7:21. I was in a taxi on my way to school at 7:32 and got to school by 7:40. It was also one of my student's birthdays so I got to celebrate his 6th birthday! I was able to talk to a lot of the older students about the play. All of them are under ridiculous amounts of stress and it helped me realize the reason why I'm in China.

The reason at the end of the day why I am on this earth. Why I am in China. Why I am who I am is because I want to change the world. The only way to do this is by living life with people. Recognizing them in their need. Being present with them. I comforted students as they cried this week. I wanted to cry all week because of being so far away from my family and those who knew my grandma. (It's difficult changing the tense of the verbs.) But, I did what I know my grandma would have wanted me to do. I did what I know God wants me to do. I showed up to the things that needed to happen. The things that I was responsible for. I was able to live life with my grandma, but she is no longer alive here on earth. My being in America wouldn't change that. My trip earlier this fall was different. It was to say those last words that we both needed until we see each other in heaven. I got to be with her. But now I need to be where I am called to right now. Which is in China. 7892.61 miles away from my family. But I need to be doing life and living with people who need, maybe not me, but someone who will let them know that they aren't alone in this world even if they think they are. My family is not alone. I am not completely alone. I have made and met amazing friends in these last 3 months. But I have a God who fills in all the empty spaces with love and comfort and sustains me every moment of every day. I couldn't live without God. There is so much stress within my life that there is no way I could keep my head up unless I was looking at him and he was holding me there. I have been blessed by the love of my Grandma Marjorie. I have been so blessed by her in so many ways that I could never describe. Now I need to use those blessings to pour into others, just as she would have wanted.

But, when my school is celebrating Thanksgiving on Thursday (which also happens to be my birthday) I will be bringing my grandma's specialty- Italian Creme Cake. Just as she would have wanted.