When you get so far removed from a process, you cease to understand why it is there, how it works, and what it feels like.

12,002. This is the number of steps I took in one day. All for one reason.

I’ve been in the process of understanding that I come from a privileged background over the past several years. My family is overall well-off. I graduated from high school. I also graduated from university with a bachelors degree. Growing up, I never felt isolated because of my skin tone or religious identity. I’ve never been homeless. My family cares about me and is actively engaged in my life. I have an amazingly strong support network. I’ve been able to travel. I’ve been to 20 countries and 38 states in the US. I’m from a safe area. I am a citizen of the United States of America.

These are just some of the things I can think of off the top of my head that make me realize how much privilege I come from. Especially if you look globally. 593,357,600 people live in extreme poverty at the moment I’m writing this. According to the World Poverty Clock, this is approximately 7.8% of the global population. This many people are living off of less than $1.90 a day. I spent more money than that on to ride a bus for 20 minutes to get back to where I’m staying in Malta.

Perspective.

I was so frustrated today because I had to walk around trying to chase down paperwork and figure out how to get my student visa. Those 12,000 steps came from that pursuit. I also ended up taking several cab rides in the process and that previously mentioned bus ride. Visa paperwork is confusing and tedious and a lot of work to figure out. I never understood how much work it was to get a visa until I moved to China and dealt with that system. Now in this system, it “should” be much “easier”. As an American, I’m able to get into Europe without having to get a visa. However, as a student, now I need to get the proper documentation, which requires paperwork. From place to place, trying to deal with confusing offices and even more confusing websites and information, getting a visa is hard. And for me, it might be a bit easier. Perspective. Perspective. Perspective. This visa I’m applying for shouldn’t be too terribly complicated for me (at least on paper). And I just really started that process today. Tuesday.

I have my diploma, bank statements, (partially filled out) visa application, acceptance letter, international health insurance paperwork, lots of passport photos, my passport, a chest x-ray that was taken earlier today, and several other things that I am most definitely forgetting in this moment. Going through the list, item by item, over and over, triple checking everything before making a move.

Can you imagine how difficult this would be for me if I was in any other position than my own? I have a strong passport and all of the other privileges I mentioned earlier. And I definitely couldn’t be here without any of them. I’m definitely trying hard here not to get political, but I’m sure you can read the intentions behind my words. Imagine if you were trying hard to make sure you had all of these important pieces of paperwork for your entire family as you were fleeing an armed conflict. Imagine seeing the terror on your child’s face as they tell you about the little girl who used to sit next to them in class and how her entire family and their house got blown up yesterday in the conflict. You see the tears streaming down her face as you hasten to pack bags and keep track of all that paperwork. Or even worse, you don’t see the tears, because the fact that it’s normal for her classmates houses to become apart of the crossfire of an armed conflict and just become a number of “civilian casualties” on a piece of paper in a far off office. Imagine if you were in the country you were born in, but because of who your parents are and their religion you are automatically ineligible for citizenship or status or any sort of legal rights. How in the world could you fill out all of this tedious paperwork that stresses some of the most privileged with the most access to resources without any of that privilege? Wait. You can’t.

That reality check kept me from truly freaking out about my own visa paperwork. Which is still very important and very stressful. However, if you’ve never had the pleasure of attempting to get any sort of visa, no matter where you’re from, you’ve missed some part of the human element of the situation. Data and numbers and specific wording that goes around the humanity of a situation is trying to mislead you into creating an “us and them” situation. Political maneuvering and jockeying will probably always be around, be that what it may. But humans, we all have the same most basic desires. Little girls and boys always find toys out of things that may or may not be pieces of “garbage” (i.e. large boxes and sticks). Moms and Dads tell stories, stress about their children’s futures, and love their kids. Cultural differences certainly apply here, but at the end of the day we are all humans.

Maybe in this post I’ve really shown why I am studying to get my masters in International Humanitarian Action. But emotionally disengaging yourself because a topic like this is difficult might be a reason as to why you should think twice.